Smiles, scars and goslings

It's early evening, and I am sitting here, listening to my ceiling fan hum its favorite tune, not knowing where to start, where to begin. I don't even know if this will make sense to anyone.

I was reading up on the origins of "May you live in interesting times," curious to see if there is any history of this oft-quoted phrase, one that we attribute to an ancient Chinese curse. According to Wikipedia, the first evidence of the phrase in use was in 1936, by the British ambassador to China.

The saying does not appear to have a direct equivalent in Chinese. The only traditional Chinese idiom which even seems to be in the ballpark is translated from the original language as: "It's better to be a dog in a peaceful time than be a man in a chaotic period."

Agreed. I envy my dog Stormy, how she can just curl up in her bed, ignoring the world outside, content to lounge about all day, beg for pet-pets and treats, and go chasing after the goslings at the pond.

Listening to Marilyn Manson's song "Leave a Scar" has had me thinking recently, especially the line "Whatever doesn't kill you...is going to leave a scar." Physical scars, emotional scars, mental scars, they haunt us all.

Life doesn't necessarily make you stronger for suffering through it, things don't always get better. The scars left on the heart never go away, we might be able to ignore them as time goes on, but they are still there, hiding, lurking, waiting to be reopened.

Our hearts are like broken bones, they will heal, but they will never be as strong as they were before, they will be more prone to pain and breakage. Essentially...what doesn't kill you leaves you weaker.

Things that hurt us weaken us over time, make us more fragile, but things that we love, things that bring us joy can help paste over the wounds in our hearts and minds.

I try to focus on the small pleasures in life. Dinner with a close friend, a dog's bouncing when you walk through the front door. Someone letting me cut in line at the grocery store. The sound of the ice cream truck driving by.

We worry too much about our legacies, what we will leave behind when we are gone. We want monuments built to our memories, our names to be written in textbooks for years to come. While a select few might be so lucky, it is those that cause the greatest harm that are memorialized for eternity. Pol Pot. Caligula. Attila the Hun. Hitler.

I want my legacy to be small but meaningful. I want to brighten people's days with a smile, lift their mood with a joke. I want that happiness to be spread to the next person, and the next person after that, and so on. I want this world to be full of smiles and happiness, not hatred and vengeance. I want children to grow up without fear, without bigotry.

The best way to start that is with a smile.

{Recipe} Pink Lemonade Bars

I love cooking, especially desserts. Cakes, cookies, cupcakes, you name it. This recipe is a bit unusual for me, as it's very lemony and very sweet, but I quite like it.

And yes, that is Stormy in the background!

The original recipe was found on Dine & Dash (link), and my comments regarding the recipe are below.

Ingredients

Crust

• 4 sticks (2 cups) butter, softened
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 4 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon salt

Lemonade Topping

• 6 large eggs
• 1 cup lemon juice (I used juice in a can)
• 2 tablespoons lemonade powder (like Country Time)
• 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
• 1/2 cup flour
• Red food coloring
• Powdered sugar

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350ºF and grab a 12x18 cake pan or jelly roll pan.
2. Cream together butter and 1 cup granulated sugar. Slowly add salt and flour, mixing until a soft dough forms.
3. Press dough evenly into the bottom of the prepared pan. Note: This might be a bit difficult, since the dough is very sticky. I ended up using a spatula to smooth it around.
4. Bake for 30 minutes or until slightly brown on top. Remove from oven and allow to cool.
5. Reduce oven temperature 325ºF.
6. Blend eggs and 1 1/2 cups sugar until fluffy and smooth. Add lemon juice, lemonade powder and food coloring until desired color. Add flour slowly, and continue stirring until well blended. Note: This might take a few minutes. Mixture will be thin and runny.
7. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes or until firm. Note: Mine bubbled and fizzed a bit at the top as soon as I put it in the oven.
8. Cool completely and sprinkle with powdered sugar.

Hypocrisy and chocolate-covered pretzels

My days and weeks are slipping by, as I search for a job and try to amuse myself in the interim. I have a lot of time to think, clean and find pictures in the paint on the walls, and I've come to a few conclusions:

• 7:30 a.m. is a great time to wake up, except that you are done with everything by 9:30 a.m.
• My neighbors don't leave for work until 10 a.m., all of them.
• I am committing adultery on my Mac by using a Windows machine during the day.
• The animals are trying to make a dog-cat hybrid out of their fur.
• I am a hypocrite (why did I type hypnotic...?).

It's the last conclusion that I'm having problems with. No one likes to admit fault within themselves, and when we do, we deny it, sugarcoat it, blame others for our problems. "It's not my fault I'm an alcoholic, my work drove me to it." "I only collect 10,000 Star Wars figurines because Tommy beat me up with one in the 5th grade." 

I babble on about acceptance, things could be better if we could just all get along, but really, I don't think these thoughts most of the time. I'm trying to do better, but as the Boyfriend pointed out to me earlier, those thoughts turn into words more often than I care to admit.

I could make excuses, it's so hard to find anything positive in this world of negativity, self-absorption and reality t.v., but really, I have only myself to blame. How can I escape the cycle if I don't work at it? I judge others based on their looks, their vocal inflections, etc., not for the quality of their character. 

The trick of finding one good thing in a person isn't the best course of action for me. I just need to train my inner sarcastic nerd to shut up for a change. 

Yes, I'm sarcastic. Really. I'm surprised you hadn't picked up on it.

It's pushed people away, kept them at arm's length. There have been times I could have made friends, but lost the opportunity because Sarcastic Me decided to come out of hibernation and voice her opinion. 

Stormy, the doggy bench

I was thinking a bit ago that I want to be like my dog. Stop laughing, I don't want to be a dog, I don't particularly care for fleas, fur and sleeping on the floor, but it's how dogs interact with each other and with humans that I like.

My dog Stormy is one of the sweetest and most laid-back dogs you will ever meet. Honestly, you can't annoy her - we've tried. Poking her, prodding her, picking up her paw and dropping it. She simply doesn't care.  She loves people, too. 

When we take her to the dog park, she has to make her rounds - she doesn't care about the other dogs, but she'll go up to each and every single person and demand pet-pets. She goes beyond friendly-dog, she acts like each new person is her best friend. 

I want that outlook - I want each stranger to be a potential friend, not someone to mock, not someone to distrust. 

In other news, I planned last night to be a little fun for the Boyfriend and I, as he has been studying for his CCIE. I'd picked up some white chocolate wafers recently, and I still had some candy dye from my last batch of peanut butter balls. 

Boyfriend didn't want to decorate, he said it would be prettier if I did it, so he was put to work getting the chocolate bags ready and picking out the colors. Well, not much picking out to do, since I was down to green, black, red, yellow and orange. The teal decided to turn the chocolate into one big, messy goop.

He was happiest when he got to eat all the rejects.

{Recipe} Breakfast Casserole

Even though I'm not working right now, weekends still have that "sleep in and relax" feel for me. During the week, I'm a "forget breakfast" or "eat a bowl of cereal" type of girl, but on the weekends, I like to something more substantial. A breakfast casserole is quick, easy and rather versatile.

Plus, it's hard to mess up.

The dogs were a captive audience, until they realized I wasn't going to give them any bacon, and Demon Kitty was indifferent to everything.

Ra was distracted by the kitties

Stormy is rather confused

The Boyfriend Unit ignored all of us, as he's working from home today. Bah humbug.

I originally found this recipe on AllRecipes.com many years ago, and I change it up a bit every time I make it. The original recipe can be found here.

Ingredients

• Hunk of French bread
• 1/2 pound of bacon
• 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
• 3 eggs
• 1 cup milk
• Dash of salt, pepper, basil and cayenne

Directions

1. Prepare bacon, either via oven at 400ºF for 12 to 15 minutes, or on the stovetop.
2. Break bread up into tiny pieces and cover bottom of glass pie dish.
3. Sprinkle the bacon and cheese over bread cubes.
4. In a bowl, whisk the eggs, milk, spices, salt and pepper. Pour over the bacon and cheese.
5. Bake at 350ºF for 30 minutes or until puffed and golden.
6. Admire your handiwork, and promptly eat.